Glory Nights!!
I am so excited!! I haven't been this excited in a while. I am going with a dear friend to Ascend Church for the Glory Nights gathering tonight. It is a long-ish drive, and I have been hesitant to go that far for a night service...what with not being able to see in the dark and everything. But. Sometimes you need a filling, a re-filling, fresh oil from the Throne, new wine to help you along, to grow and gain insights. So, off we go!
The man of God who preaches there speaks a message that has been the cry of my heart in prayer for the past year or more. The Secret Place; Intimacy With Jesus; Purity; Obedience; Repentance; Taking Up Your Cross Daily; Death to Self; Becoming Like Him; Being a Spotless Bride. WOW! That's a LOT to digest! And what is really crazy about the whole thing is this: If someone would have asked me a few years back if this agenda sounded good, I would have said, in a word, NO! No, that does not sound good! That sounds terrible, miserable, not one bit good! It sounds impossible and physically painful. It sounds like torture. Fast-forward to NOW, that is the only agenda that I really pursue. That said, I woke up this morning early, during 4th Watch, still very dark outside, with a knowing inside that I needed to practice my prayer. I needed to Repent, take up my Cross, seek true Intimacy with Jesus, and vomit up a lot of ugly if I was going to benefit from Glory Nights. I needed to get real, and hate my sin.
Several years ago when I started making videos in My Closet, I was very clear about the fact that I am not a "preacher", that I am not going to preach (OK, maybe a little) and I am not going to "bang on about other people's sin". And I am still not going to do that! I have my own sin to deal with. I have my own ugliness to deal with. I have my own nonsense to purge and confess to my Lord, and be renewed by His Word and His Blood and thereby purified.
The thing about repentance is that it is not a One And Done. It is a frequent necessity; a regular occurrence; a Way of Being. And another thing about repentance is that it gets a lot of negative press. It is almost a "bad word"; a word nobody should say and that nobody wants to hear. Hmmmm. Why on earth would that be the case? After all, it is a purely Biblical concept, mentioned in the Bible in the Old and New Testaments ( 67 times, according to Bible commentaries readily available). It is a concept upon which Forgiveness is predicated; that is in the Bible too! See 2 Chronicles 7:14! Well. Many (myself included, from time to time) do not like the concept because it means we really have to Stop and Take Inventory, of our Sin. Yikes! That is a total downer; no fun; a rude awakening. Why is it a downer? When we realize that sin is what breaks up marriages, destroys families, begins addictions, is the root of disease and death and separation from God, keeps us in bondage, ruins relationships, prevents promise, and derails destinies. It is tough to look at our yuck and see with Jesus-eyes that the yuck is the cause of the yuck. (FYI: I am not saying that I have diabetes because I am a sinner! I am saying that Original Sin is the cause of all types of death and separation from God.)
But unless we get it out in the open (and that does NOT mean, by the way, telling your garbage to anyone who will listen! That is unwise, and does not bear fruit! It is not "bonding", it is folly) confess, repent and ask the Lord to help us get right with Him, we can't possibly walk in His plans for our lives. I do not bang this drum for your sin; I bang this drum for my own. I want Jesus! I want intimacy with Him! I want all that He has for me in this life and in eternity! He has put me here, on this Earth, in this Little Town, for such a time as this (Esther 4:14). He has sent me to minister to the hurting and the lost and the scared and the broken, to Love like He does. But it will all be for naught if I do not obey Him, seek Him 1st, embrace repentance and honesty before Him in The Closet, and be refreshed and refilled and reborn, again and again, through His Blood and His Word and His Love Everlasting.
And it is funny--funny peculiar, not funny HaHa--He has made me to Love His people, to Pray for them, to intercede for those who don't know how to pray, won't pray, can't pray. He created me to show His Mercy and Grace to the world around me. And lots of times I am really good at that. He has given me Supernatural Eyes to see deep wounds, bondages and disasters within others that only He can heal; and He shows me how to pray in those situations. BUT. I cannot remotely do that if I am full of filth, my own nasty sin. My anger. My self-righteousness. My disgust (as Holy Spirit told me directly a few years ago: "Disgusted" is not one of the Fruits of the Spirit!). My observations and opinions that are not Jesus-based but worldly, fleshly, and downright uncalled-for. How could I possibly approach the Throne of Grace for mercy in time of need (Hebrews 4:16), when I have unclean hands and an impure heart? As I deliberate on this, my heart breaks. I would like to cry, to pour out the hurts. And sometimes I do cry. But right now, lately, and the past few years, I have been downright appalled and "disgusted" at the nature of my brokenness, for which the King of Glory died. Died. Dead. Crucified, bloody and beaten and spat upon. For me. [Spoiler Alert: He is Risen!! And I am forgiven! And you are too!]
So since 4th Watch, I have prayed and confessed and repented and received refreshing. And that is Beautiful. Joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Hallelujah!
Now I think I am ready to go out, face the World, and experience Glory Nights! I am prepared to pray and receive prayer. I am prepared to hear a message from Holy Spirit for me personally. And receive Fresh Oil from the Throne!
I know it is a downer to hash out all our junk. Down-er. But it keeps us close to Him. And that is the Only Place To Be! If we dwell in the Secret Place of the Most High, we abide in the Shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91). Go there! Run! Run to the Secret Place! In His arms we are safe, safe from the lies of the enemy, the things of the world that rob us of our purity and bring us to places we never want to go.
I am so thankful that I was awake early, in the silence, so that I could hear His voice. And I am so grateful that He was there with me. He is a good Father!
Allow me to pray for you:
Dear Father God in Heaven, thank You so much for Your Word and for the quiet. Thank You for times of refreshing and the joy that comes in the morning. Thank You that Your Word is a light unto our path and a lamp unto our feet. When we obey You, we remain close to You, and we are safe. Hallelujah! Bless us all this day and every day that we remember that You are our Forgiveness, our Salvation, our Redemption, and all of our Blessing! Thank You for Jesus, His sacrifice, and His Life-giving Blood. Hear our prayers as we call to you for change in our hearts and renew our minds daily. Thank You, LORD! Thank You! For Your Mercy, Your Grace, and Your Love-Everlasting!
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!
Grace and Peace to you all.
Leslie~
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