A Shift In My Spirit

Years ago now, when I made my first few YouTube videos, I explained what I was learning in the Closet, and told my viewers (all 9 of them) that I was not going to "preach" and I was not going to "bang on about other people's sin". That is still partly true.

I am still not deeply compelled to bang on about the sin of others. BUT. There has been a real, genuine, on-the-right-track shift in my spirit about this topic.

Holy Cow! Here goes:

Our families, Churches, communities and Nation are under attack from the adversary. No joke; no conspiracy theories hiding in here. Our families are peopled with the lost and hurting, the addicted and broken. Our Churches are filled with those who come often, but stare blankly into space as if the Pastor is speaking another language. Our communities are covered, often times, with a sweet facade, but underneath, there is an epidemic of homelessness, addiction, untreated mental illness, poverty, and a deep-down damage that only Jesus can change.

It isn't cool, or fun, to talk about sin. At all. It makes me deeply, very deeply, uncomfortable. My sin is ugly, nay, hideous, before my Lord and King. My attempts at "righteousness" are filthy rags before the Father. That said, recently I have come face to face with what the reality of that sin might look like when I meet Jesus in eternity. And I am completely unprepared for the horror of what that might be like.

Our sin separates us from the LORD. Period. He is HOLY. He is PURE. He is JUST. He is RIGHTEOUS. And without Jesus, and without true repentance, we are doomed to eternal darkness, separation and misery.

Good going, Leslie! Now everyone will love you!! Congratulations LJ! Super-uplifting!

BUT! But Jesus!

We can all walk into Heaven and embrace our eternity with Joy and Love-Everlasting, through the atoning, perfect, sinless, holy, beautiful Blood of Jesus. That is a tiny, incomplete yet quite valuable nutshell synopsis of the Gospel.

Like I ask myself more frequently than I care to admit...Why are you saying all this?? Well, I'm getting there! Back to my sin. I have spent hours and days and years in the Closet with my sin; my junk; my anger; my hurt; my empty wine bottles; my unforgiveness; and my filthy rags. Suffice it to say that the LORD and I are up-to-date on my sin. I am forgiven of my sin. But what if my way of being hasn't changed? What if my deep-down human being hasn't fully understood the Glory of God, His Mercy, His Grace? What if He says: I never knew you? That is more than I can bear! That is so horrible and terrifying that my hair stands up and I sweat in my armpits. Ewww! Gross! So. How do I stop this from going any further? How do I change direction now?? Presently? Immediately?

Prayer. Communion with Jesus. Confession before my Savior (no! You don't have to tell me your business!). White-hot honesty with the One who created the Universe. Personally, this whole shift in my spirit has filled me with introspection, searching, and a crying-out like I haven't experienced in a while. I KNOW that my sins are forgiven. I KNOW this! When I do x, y or z, and ask Him to forgive me, take that from me, and cleanse me, I KNOW that He has done so. But what about my inner being? What about the part of me that thinks I am changed by my relationship with Him, but has not stepped fully into my New Creation phase? If we are in Christ, we are a New Creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). This is a Promise from God, in His Bible. Why do I seem confused? You might be confused too. What I am trying to say is that I have been confronted with the fact that I have been in "facelift mode"--walking in a new, improved version of my old self. I need to have a major shift in the spirit and allow the Holy Spirit to propel me into New Creation mode! I am really on to something here!

I need to get back in the Closet, and cry out for a change in my being. Not one that I can bring on. Not one that comes from my flesh, saying "I repent", or "I will do better", or "I get it now". NO!! "I" am not the answer.

Let me show you the answer. Go to Psalm 51. If you can't find it, it is near the middle of the Bible, a large Book, filled with Prayers and Songs and Praise that we would all do well to search and know. Yes, Psalm 51. It was written by King David, after his adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband, Uriah. It goes like this:

Have mercy upon me, O God,

According to Your lovingkindness;

According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,

Blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

And cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my transgressions,

And my sin is always before me.

Against You, You only, have I sinned,

And done this evil in Your sight--

That You be found just when You speak,

And blameless when You judge.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

And in sin my mother conceived me.

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,

And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Make me hear joy and gladness,

That the bones You have broken may rejoice.

Hide Your face from my sins,

And blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your Presence,

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,

And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

And sinners shall be converted to You.

Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

The God of my salvation,

And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,

And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

For You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and contrite heart--

These, O God, You will not despise.

Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;

Build the walls of Jerusalem.

Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,

With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;

Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

Notice the language. David was a “man after God’s own heart”. How could that be, you must be asking?? He was a murderer, an adulterer, a warrior who had killed “ten thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7 Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands…) Good question. Good answer: He loved God. He served God. He worshipped God in His manifest Presence. And He saw that he was nothing outside of his God.

David said “create in me…”

David said “renew a right spirit”

David said “restore unto me”

David said “do not cast”

David said “do not take”

David said “uphold me”

David said “deliver me”.

Wow. He knew that any change within himself would be through the power of the Almighty. Not within himself. He was not crying out for a do-over, or a facelift. He was crying out for forgiveness for his ways of being, and a life-change that comes from the Hand of God. He called on God to create, renew, restore, uphold, deliver. Yes!! We are on to something here. Or at least I am on to something here! If God would do all of this for David, how much more so will He do it for me when I am covered in the precious Blood of His Son Jesus! How much more will He do it for me through the power of the Holy Spirit that lives to lead me into all truth (John 16:13).

Thank You Holy Father for Your Son!! Thank You Holy Spirit for Your regenerative power at work within me! And thank You LORD that You take us beyond the breaking, the brokenness, and lead us into Your Joy. The joy of Your salvation!! HOLY FATHER!! You are Faithful!!

So what does this have to do with our families, Churches, communities and our Country?? You must be asking?? Sometimes it takes me a minute to get there!

I have been praying for months and months now from 2 Chronicles 7:14. (Great! Here she goes again!!)

If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves,

and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways,

then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (NKJV)

WOW! I have been earnestly, powerfully (or so I thought), praying this, sharing this, leading others in this. For months. Holy Cow! Good Grief! I have been repenting for the collective sin of the Nation, of my family, my Little Town, earnestly, not neglecting my own sins either. But all the while neglecting my way of being. I am nobody to cry out for healing in my family or my country when my ways of being are not pure. And how can I possibly expect the Lord to do His part, when I have not done my part? How can He possibly "hear from heaven" when I have not properly "humbled myself" and "turned from my wicked ways" (ways of being)? My stars!! Thank You Lord for revelation! Thank You Lord for divine intervention! Thank You Lord for telling me stuff!!!!!

When I realized this---was punched in the face with this---I think I have turned the corner. I am properly redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb, rather than walking in my face-lift because I have accepted Jesus. Accepted Jesus??!! He has accepted me! He has changed me! He has redeemed me! He has delivered me! He has made me a new creation! He has done the doing!! Glory to God!! It is finished! (John19:30).

Now that I have given over (again?) my ways of being to Him, I can pray with more conviction and the power of the Holy Spirit and the Love of Jesus, for change and healing and forgiveness, in my home and my Church and My Little Town and my Country. Now that He has purified me anew, I can boldly approach the throne of grace for mercy in time of need (Hebrews 4:16). Heaven knows, if I am not praying rightly, with a contrite heart, how can I say that I have a Prayer Ministry and claim to equip folks to pray rightly in these last days. I need to hear from Him!! I need to repent and allow Him to make new my ways of being! Please Lord, take not Your Holy Spirit from me!!

Let's not forget the "restore to me the joy of Your salvation" part! I get to walk in His joy! I get to walk in His generous Spirit! Hallelujah! WE get to walk in His salvation! It is for YOU too!!

And He has also prepared me more fully to share His Word, His Truth, His Promises because He has created, renewed, restored, upheld, and now I can rejoice!! I can sing His praises!

If this is still like another language to you, that’s ok. Go into your Closet and seek the Lord. He will show you the way. He will show you. He will do the doing. He will forgive, heal, deliver, restore, make all things new. Glory! He is strong enough to do this and He is all you need.

Pray this with me: Holy Perfect Father In Heaven, thank You so much for Your Word! Thank You that You give wisdom when we ask for it, and that You reveal Your truth to us so You can save us, heal us, restore us, renew us. Thank You Lord that we can come boldly before Your throne of grace for help in time of need. Lord, we invite You into our lives and ask that You reach out Your Hand and move by Your mighty power--hear our hearts, hear our prayers, forgive our sin, and heal our land! We glorify You, we praise You, we honor You! You alone are Worthy of our adoration! In Your Son's name, Jesus. Amen!

I love you all in Jesus!

Grace and Peace!

Leslie~