A Season of One? Again?

Hello To All The Beautiful People!!

It has been far too long since I last sat here with the thoughts and images and visions that the LORD has given me. So much is happening in my spirit; some painful, some pleasant, some miraculous, and some that seem to go on again/off again in a way that I find quite bothersome. I'm not completely sure, but I think I am in a Season of One again.

What is a Season of One, you must be asking!

It is a season where I find myself with no one to rely on but Jesus.

Is that a bad thing, you are asking? No! It is not a bad thing, but sometimes it happens "suddenly" and so it hurts for a minute, like when you rip off a Band-Aid. The Band-Aid has to go, right? We are certainly NOT called to keep the same band-aid on our flesh for too long; that would be terrible. So we rip it off to heal some more. Well, the LORD has lately ripped off a few band-aids. And my flesh is stinging.

As a tiny bit of background for any who do not know me, I have been chasing the LORD in a mighty way since 2020. I have prayed more, cried more, served more, given more, loved more, studied more, read more, written more, journaled more, MORE MORE MORE than all the years leading up to 2020 combined. And this year is no different. It is only March, and I have attended 2 major Jesus Retreats, am waist deep in Journaling With Jesus Discipleship, planning my Prayer Tent schedule, sitting in the screen porch at all hours with my journal, and seeking Jesus. On top of working a J-O-B, trying to learn what Ministry really looks like, start a Beauty Business, remember to feed to cat, and try to be nice to my husband.

OK! That does NOT sound like A Season of One to me! That sounds like an Overwhelm waiting to happen.

But. I feel so alone. So isolated. So lonely. So misunderstood. And that can be a hard place. Unless you are in that place WITH JESUS.

I had family in town for an entire week; one the one hand it was Heaven, on the other hand, I'm tired. My "bestie" has been going through her own grief and "life" and has hurt my feelings so-ooo many times in the past month, and with me, hurt on hurt on hurt on hurt just turns into anger. My "Rabbi" has her own life, grand kids, Ministry, family. My husband is happier when I leave him alone, so there is no "balm" in going to him with my hurts or emotional needs. My sisters are each going through their own "stuff". I had to break up with a friend, whom I actually care for deeply, because that was just a fiasco in the making. I don't want to unload everything on the Precious One with whom I do my side hustle, but I am so grateful that she PRAYS!! My MFEO (Made For Each Other) is having her own crisis, so I refuse to add to that. I need to PRAY over that, not dump onto that! I am far too wise to tell just anyone anything, so that means I am somewhat closed off; you don't invite just anyone to "sit at your table". So I find myself crying in the wee morning hours.

So yesterday, early, while it was still dark, I was wide awake, weary in my spirit. So I got a coffee, went in the porch, puffed my pillow and blanket, found a Bible with a thin journal and a pen inside it, and sat with Jesus. And I didn't feel "spiritual" at all, but I hurt. So I told Him what I was feeling, and asked Him what I was supposed to make of all that. And then I cried. Not just a few tears. But a cry. With groanings too deep for words. And so as not to miss out on my "agenda" for the day, I thanked Him for listening and got up and got busy before the sun came up over the Farm Next Door.

I want to be super-transparent and share a bit of what I wrote on those pages yesterday; and the tell you how He answered me. Why?? Because I asked Him, and He answered me! This is me, being completely vulnerable--to be honest, I am a bit uneasy about it, but it is (hopefully) going to be worth it. The Bible says, in Revelation, "you overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony". Well.......if this ain't Testimony, I don't know what is!

OK....that was terrifying. But you see where my mind was, where my heart was. It was gross, to be honest. That was not attractive. LOL! As if being "attractive" is even a thing when it is dark outside and you are crying. Good grief. Sometimes I am a Mess. And I am sharing this because I know good and well that YOU are a Mess too; if not right now, it is coming, or maybe it has recently passed. And I want you to know that the Answer is often just a Prayer away.

At 9am, I had to participate in my Journaling With Jesus Discipleship ZOOM. I was weary inside; but Jesus ALWAYS attends Journaling With Jesus, so I wasn't going to miss it! As we started the lesson called "Honoring Jesus' Leadership", I was already emotional. This is a 2 hour deep dive, and while I had on a Brave Face, inside I was a bit wobbly.

One section was entitled "Jesus Wants To Talk With Us", and includes bullet points "Jesus is faithful to lead us"; "There are things we can only know by Jesus revealing them to us"; "Jesus is trustworthy and dedicated to our peace and righteousness"; and "It is our inheritance as His child to hear Him".

After we went through all of these sections and the Scriptures that anchor them, it was time to journal. This is where the healing happens! This is where the Answers to the hard questions come forth! This is where Jesus becomes Real, not just a name in a Book, or a concept, or a lovely notion. This is where Jesus shows up, flips an occasional table, binds up the broken-hearted, and restores sight to the blind. Again, I want to be very transparent here, because I want you to see how Perfect He is! I need you to see how Perfect He is! I need you to know that when it is dark outside (or inside) and you are crying and being "unattractive", He is with you! He never leaves you or forsakes you! (Hebrews 13:5) It is a PROMISE from His Word, and it is True all day, every day!

Are you amazed? I am COMPLETELY AMAZED!

Jesus is WITH me! He HEARS me and ANSWERS me! In "real time". He didn't make me "wait" for the truths of His Word to come through in ways that take longer, or take longer for me to realize. He answered me within the hour; He answered my direct concerns and showed me that HE is the only Answer.

What is really awesome is that we (Jesus and I) discussed "friends". I never call Jesus a "Friend", even though the Bible says He is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). That "name" never appealed to me. And truthfully, I find myself annoyed when people refer to Jesus as their "friend" because He is The King of Glory. I find myself wanting to explain to them that He is LORD, and that they probably better walk in His Lordship, know as His Master of All, and they would be a lot better off than just being "friends". Being in relationship with Jesus is not "casual", like friendship. It is Covenant. It is Power. It is Victory. Whatever...that is just me. But yesterday, when I was hurting because my "friend" was harsh and rude to me; or when my "friend" doesn't have time; or when I have to cut ties with my "friend" because I don't need to walk that path, or when my husband doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to be my "friend", I walked right into my Only Real Friend: Jesus.

Come On!! That is mind-boggling! Amazing! Unreal! Supernatural!

So, whether or not it is a Season of One, that remains to be seen. But if it is a Season of One, I know it is really Us Two: Jesus and Me! Hallelujah! I guess we are Friends after all. But I am still going to call Him King of Glory! Mighty In Battle! Lord of Hosts! The Alpha and The Omega! Because that is the One I want for my Friend!

That is who you need for your "Friend" too. OOH! I just thought of that song by James Taylor: You've Got A Friend. So sappy, right? Holy Cow! But I just Googled up the lyrics, and it is so true, when it applies to Jesus rather than James Taylor.

When you're down and troubled

and you need a helping hand

And nothing, oh, nothing is going right

Close your eyes and think of Me

And soon I will be there

To brighten up even your darkest nights

You just call out My Name

And you know wherever I AM

I'll come running, oh yeah,

To see you again

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall

All you've got to do is call

And I'll be there yeah, yeah, yeah

You've got a Friend....

It goes on...sappy, "romantic" with a small "r", corny, probably mostly untrue, insofar as human friendships are concerned. But with The Almighty!! Come on, now!! He is there! Always! Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall; when its dark out; when you are scared, or lonely, or angry, or hurting. That is an offer you can't refuse! I'll take Jesus over any human any day, and twice on Sunday...LOL!!

I hope you are not embarrassed by my vulnerability and transparency. I hope it wasn't offensive. I know it wasn't pretty, but I think the Revelation is worthwhile. My heart is for Jesus; and for YOU to know Him, and Love Him. Y'all have a great weekend!!

Before I go, I want to pray for you!

Lord Heavenly Father! Thank You that You are the Living God! That You hear us when we pray, and that You still answer, still heal, still save, still love and still move in our lives! Thank You, Father, for reminding us that Jesus is our Everything, our All In All, if we will simply walk in that with Him. Thank You for sending Jesus, to answer every question by being every Answer. Thank You, Jesus, for Your Radical Love poured out for us at Calvary, and that same Radical Love poured out on us every day since then. You are so Perfect; Holy; Pure; Beautiful. I pray that we all seek You and find You, and never take our eyes off You! You are the Best Friend ever; and You are LORD! Hallelujah! In Jesus Holy name, Amen!